Don't Let Me Go
by PlayTheGame
Summary: After a devastating tragedy rocks their marriage, Paul and Stephanie are forced to deal with the fallout. But instead of turning to each other, they begin to fall apart. Can they find their way back or will they fall victim to self-destruction? HHH/Steph
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** - Yes, this is another new story and no, I probably won't be able to keep up with anything anymore lol. But I just couldn't help myself. I've been sitting on this one for a few months now and finally just decided to go ahead and start writing. This is going to be a fair bit darker than the norm. I plan to take our wonderful duo places that I never have before. Hopefully it all works out! As always, any comments are much appreciated.

* * *

"What do you think of this one?"

Paul glanced at the colour his wife was pointing to on the little paint colour chart and frowned. "Steph, I really don't see the difference between 'Aged White' and 'Old White.' They both look the same to me."

"Paul!" Stephanie scolded, gently tugging the book away from him slightly. "Look! 'Aged White' is a little darker. Don't you see?" She pointed at the colour again and couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her at the look of utter confusion on his face.

"No I don't! And I don't think anybody else would either. They're both off white. Just pick one!" He glanced from the book to his wife at the sound of her laughter. "What?"

She reached over and patted his face affectionately. "There isn't really that much of a difference is there?" When he shook his head she continued. "And our living room walls aren't really going to know any better are they?"

"Nope."

"Alright. Let's go for the 'Aged White' then," she finally decided.

Paul sighed dramatically and knocked the colour booklet to the far side of the coffee table with his foot while he fell back into the soft cushions of the sofa. "Thank God! I was trying to patient but fucking hell that shit was boring!"

"Oh honey," she drawled as she struggled to her feet. "You are ever so eloquent. I'm going to go to the bathroom. We've got to get to mom and dads soon."

He was instantly on his feet, his arm out to help her up. "You OK?"

"I'm fine. Be back in a minute." She kissed his cheek and waddled off.

His eyes followed her out of the room before he sank back into the couch. Why the hell she decided that they needed to do up their formal living room while she was less than six weeks away from giving birth was beyond him. But he could never say no to her. He never had before and he wasn't going to start now. So he had at the very least humoured her and sat down to have a look at the various colour books they had lying around. That was over an hour ago. He swore if he had to look at one more shade of white that looked exactly the same as all the others he was going to crack! And then he thought about his wife and the upcoming birth of their child and nothing but happy thoughts swam around his head. He was so excited, they both were. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see her come back into the room.

Stephanie stood at the door and watched him. He had that silly look on his face again and she knew exactly what he was thinking about. Smiling herself, she slowly made her way behind the sofa and placed her hands on his shoulders. His head twisted as he turned his neck to face her.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in," he said, bringing his feet onto the chair so he could see her properly.

"Don't get comfy. I'm just off the phone with Mom. Other people are starting to arrive and she wants us there as soon as. I told her we would..."

"Say no more," Paul stated as he got to his feet and walked around to join her. He palmed the small of her back and motioned for the door. "We'll be there in a few minutes. Come on."


	2. Chapter 2

Stephanie faked a smile as the people around her laughed at her brother's joke. Not that it wasn't funny, but her stomach had started to feel extremely crampy. She quietly excused herself and searched for somewhere to sit down. A few short seconds later and she almost collapsed into a chair on the decking area by the patio. There was no one else around. Everybody was enjoying the family cookout. Her hands rubbed her round stomach, trying in vain to stop the sharp stabbing sensation she felt there. But it wasn't working. In fact the pain was only getting worse and she began to panic, her eyes sweeping the area for her husband. She spotted him at the other side of the garden, locked in conversation with her father and her uncle. Not wanting to cause a scene, she refrained from shouting across the garden and instead looked around her again. Thankfully she saw her mother walking towards her.

"Stephanie, are you OK?"

She breathed heavily and shook her head. "Can you get Paul please? I think it's just a really bad cramp."

Linda nodded and immediately called after Paul. Almost instantly he was at his wife's side, his hand soothing her back as he whispered in her ear.

"Oh God Paul!"

"Just keep breathing, Steph. It will pass." Paul turned his attention to Linda. "Could you get a glass of water, please? I think it might help."

Stephanie followed her husband's advice and focused on her breathing, trying to ignore the grip on her stomach. Mercifully, it seemed to be working. She accepted the offered glass of water from her mother's hand and sighed.

"How does that feel?" Paul asked, his hand still rubbing her back.

Her body relaxed and eventually the pain subsided. She looked into his eyes and managed a small smile. "Better. I think it's gone now." She sighed heavily. "What the hell brought that on?"

"Did you eat or drink anything funny before you came?" Linda piped in, coming to stand on the other side of her daughter. She had got a bit spooked there herself. Stephanie seemed in considerable pain. She was still six weeks away and it worried her a little.

"No. We just had breakfast this morning and then we came here, right?" she glanced at her husband for confirmation.

"Right." Paul nodded. His concerned eyes gave her the once over. She looked quite pale, the usual peachy colour of her skin replaced by something a little whiter. "Maybe we should go. You don't look the best."

Linda nodded in agreement. "Paul's right. I think you need to get some rest."

"Guys!" Stephanie sighed. She gripped the sides of the chair and slowly got to her feet. "I feel better now. And I don't want to miss Dad's cookout. How about I just move inside for a little while to get my strength back?" Her mother and husband looked at each other sceptically before finally looking back at her.

Paul groaned. "Alright. But even the slightest bit of pain and we are going home."

"Deal. Now come on. We're already making a big enough scene as it is." Stephanie smiled at the various people looking in their direction and slowly waddled into the kitchen.

Linda could only chuckle at the forlorn expression on her son-in-laws face as he reluctantly followed her daughter through to the kitchen. Stephanie seemed to be OK. It was probably just a bad cramp. Nothing to worry about.

* * *

"So do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Stephanie smiled at the woman. She had been a close family friend ever since her parents had moved to Greenwich. They were currently in the kitchen with her mother as she was sorting through plates and cutlery. The BBQ was almost ready. "We don't know and we aren't going to find out. It will be a nice surprise when he or she is born."

The older woman smiled. "That's nice. I did that with both of mine too. And honestly, whatever you end up having, you're going to...Dear, are you OK?"

At the evident concern in her friend's voice, Linda set the plate she was holding down and turned to face her daughter. Her chest tightened at the pained expression on her face. Stephanie was doubled over and clutching her stomach desperately. Linda's heart dropped. "Stephanie? Stephanie, what is it? What's going on?"

"I...I...don't know Mom. Oh God! I...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she breathed heavily. Suddenly a wet sensation flushed down her legs. Did her water just break? No. It couldn't have been. It was way too early. She wasn't ready. The baby wasn't ready. As another fierce rush of pain gripped her abdomen, tears of fear and frustration began to rush down her face. "Where's Paul?"

"Lisa is away to get him, honey. Please, sit down and take deep breaths," Linda tried her best to soothe but it was in vain as Stephanie cried out loudly.

Paul, Vince, Shane and Marissa all rushed into the kitchen to the sound of her cries. Paul's heart almost beat out of chest at the sound and at the sight of his wife doubled over in pain. What the hell was going on? He immediately rushed to her side and looked her in the eye. "Steph? What's happening?"

"Oh God, Paul! I need to...push...I...ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Paul heard Vince yelling at somebody in the background but he ignored it, instead focusing completely on what was going on in front of him. "No baby. You can't push."

Stephanie was full on sobbing now, her face a mass of tears, panic and hysteria. She needed to push. Her uterus had suddenly begun having intense contractions. "I HAVE to push. Oh God! This isn't supposed to be happening. We aren't ready. We aren't _ready_!"

"Calm down. Steph, calm down," he said in an attempt to stop her from getting hysterical. "Somebody call an ambulance!" he called over his shoulder. "Stephanie listen to me, everything is going to be fine, OK? But I need you to calm down. Please?"

"I can't Paul. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Jesus! I have to push. What the hell is happen..."

"You can't push, honey!" Linda chimed in. Standing there watching the whole thing, she felt so helpless. But something was very wrong here. She couldn't even think about what it might mean. As she looked into the scared eyes of her son-in-law she knew he was thinking the exact same thing. An agonising seven minutes later and the paramedics were rushing her out the door on a gurney after having injected a sedative because she was so hysterical. Paul disappeared into the back of the van with her, leaving the rest of them standing there absolutely horrified. What the hell had just happened?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** - I'm super sorry about taking forever to update this or any of my stuff actually. But I told you it would happen lol. Anyways, I hope you guys are still interested in this.

* * *

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Paul glared at the clock wishing he could burn right through it with his eyes. His head was thumping and he felt sick to his stomach with worry. Almost three hours had passed and he had barely been given any information. All he knew was that his pregnant wife had been taken to emergency surgery and that they were operating on her right now. He didn't know what for and he didn't know why. The thumping in his head got quicker and quicker as he remembered how scared she had been back at the BBQ. She was downright hysterical and it absolutely broke his heart to see her in so much pain. The worst thing about it all was that there wasn't a single thing he could do to help other than be there and hold her hand. He didn't know it but his hands were shaking as he reached up to run his fingers through his hair. The clock continued ticking, and ticking, and ticking until he couldn't take it anymore and sprung to his feet throwing his hands in the air.

"I can't fucking take this anymore. I need to know what's going on."

"Paul..." Linda began but stopped immediately when she saw the look in his eyes. He was wrecked with worry and how could she blame him? His wife, her daughter, was in there getting operated on and neither of them had any idea what the actual problem was. Was it Stephanie? Was it, God forbid, the baby? "Why don't you just sit down and..."

"I don't want to sit down. I'm tired of sitting down not knowing anything. I want answers," Paul almost fumed. The pressure of the situation was really starting to get to him. A man only had so much patience when his family was in danger. And deep in his gut he just knew something _really_ wasn't right.

Vince surveyed the scene before he too got to his feet. "I'm with Paul here, Linda. They haven't told us a damn thing since we got here and quite frankly it's ridiculous."

"Well both of you storming up there and demanding answers isn't going to do anybody any good, is it?"

"Sometimes you have to be frank to get what you want."

"Not in situations like this, Vince."

"What are we supposed to do then? Just stand here holding our nuts?"

"For God sakes, Vince!"

"What do you want me to sa..."

"STOP IT! STOP IT! Just stop it!" Shane yelled, getting in the middle of the pair and shaking his head. Everybody's nerves were on a knife edge. Leave it to his parents to start fighting in the middle of the freaking hospital to make things worse. "Jesus! All this yelling isn't going to solve anything. We all just need to stay calm and be here for Steph whenever we find out what's happening. Cool heads guys, come on. Right, Paul?" Shane went to look for his brother in law but came up short. "Paul?" He glanced around the area once more and found the other man hunched over on one of the hard plastic chairs with his head buried in his hands. He swallowed hard. He couldn't even imagine what Paul was going through. Yes, Stephanie was his sister but she was Paul's wife and the mother of their forthcoming child. If it were Marissa in that operating room right now God knows how he would be coping. From the demeanour of his brother in law he knew he wouldn't be coping very well at all. He ignored the questioning stares from his parents and walked to sit down in the next chair.

"Paul. You gotta keep your head here man. Stay strong, they'll be alright."

Paul slowly raised his head and looked Shane in the eye, allowing the other man to see the desperation there. He didn't know what he was feeling. All he wanted to do was see his wife and know that she was OK. Despite his brother in law's reassuring words, he still felt like utter crap. "Thanks, Shane. But I can't take much more of this." He sighed heavily and rubbed at his face, keeping his hand closed over his eyes. "I need to know she's OK," he whispered, almost as if to himself.

Shane was just about to speak when he saw the approaching figure of a doctor over the shoulder of his mom. He patted Paul on the back and nodded. "Look."

"Doctor! What is it? What's going on?" Paul asked, not even waiting for the older man to come to a stop in front of them.

"Mr. Levesque? I need to...speak with you for a moment."

The hesitation on the other man's voice caused Paul's heart to flip in his chest. This didn't look good. He stepped between Vince and Linda and followed the Doctor through a set of double doors and into a tiny room. "What did you bring me in here for?"

Dr. Jansen sighed softly and motioned for the tall man in front of him to take a seat. When he refused he inwardly cringed. This wasn't going to be easy. It never was. "Mr. Levesque, your wife went into early labour this afternoon. She..."

"Labour? But she's still six weeks off!"

"The chances of these things happening are very rare and when they do, obviously the interests of the child are the major concern. I can tell you right now that your wife is fine. She's a little sore but they moved her into her own room and physically she will recuperate rather quickly from this."

Paul breathed a brief sigh of relief. If anything happened to Stephanie he didn't know what he would do. But she wasn't the only one here. His heart dropped at the look on the doctor's face. "And what about the baby?"

"You have a daughter. But..."

"A daughter? We have a baby girl?" Tears stung the back of his eyes. They had a little new born daughter. He couldn't believe it. His hand quickly wiped at his eyes and he nodded for the doctor to continue.

"Yes sir, a daughter. But because of the premature nature of the birth, there are several severe ramifications. Many major organs are underdeveloped and her body is finding it hard to cope. The main issue is the lungs. Right now she's in the IC unit and the respirators and machines are doing all the work for her. Our fear is that if we take the machines away..."

His head began to nod automatically. He was listening to what the doctor was saying but he wasn't hearing anything. This couldn't be happening. For God sakes this couldn't be happening. He didn't understand how it even happened in the first place. One minute he had been sitting in his living room with his wife arguing about paint colours and now he was in a hospital being told that his new born daughter was fighting for her life. The walls of the room began to close in on him. His head began to spin. He clutched at his temples.

Dr. Jansen reached out and patted the younger man on the shoulder. In a matter of seconds he had pretty much watched his world fall apart. There was nothing worse than finding out that your child possibly wouldn't make it. It was the absolute worst part of his job. "If you need a minute..."

"No!" Paul quickly snapped himself back to reality. He needed to stay focused. God knows Stephanie was going to be heartbroken when she found out, if she didn't know already. "Can I see my wife? Does she know?"

"Yes, I believe that she should be waking up from the anaesthesia soon. And no, she doesn't know. We find that it's usually better to break the news when a loved one is there too. We'll bring you to her now and when she wakes up, just call and I'll be there."

Paul blew out the breath he didn't know he was holding and nodded his head. "Thank you Doctor."

"I'm truly sorry that this has happened but I assure you that we will do our best for your daughter. I'll go check now and give you an update."

And just like that, Paul Levesque's world came crashing down around him.


	4. Chapter 4

Stephanie slowly opened her eyes. The bright white of the room was blinding, forcing her to shut them quickly as she tried to adjust to the setting. After a moment, she was able to focus on the ceiling, then the wall in front of her and as she turned her head she caught sight of her husband sitting hunched over in the chair next to the bed. One hand was covering his eyes and she quickly realised that the other was clutching hers gently. It was at that moment that she remembered what had happened and why she was there. The panic quickly set in and her hands subconsciously flexed, squeezing his in the process and instantly getting his attention.

"Steph? Oh thank god, you're awake. Are you OK?"

His concerned hazel eyes were frantic as they checked over her. But there was a flash of something else there, something she wasn't quite sure she had ever seen before. Fear. She gripped his fingers tighter as he shuffled the chair closer.

"Steph?"

"I'm fine. I...Paul...what happened?"

There it was again, that flash of fear in his eyes that chilled her to the bone. What the hell had happened?

Paul cleared his throat and took her hands between his and softly stroked the back of her skin. Her beautiful blue eyes were brimming with worry and anxiety. There was no easy way to do this. "You...you went into early labour, Steph."

"Early labour? But I don't..."

"Just let me finish ok?" At her confused nod he continued and despite the situation, he still couldn't stop himself from smiling when he mentioned their child. "We have a little girl." Her sharp intake of breath and instant smile warmed his heart.

Stephanie grinned and tugged him close, completely forgetting his sombre manner. They had a little girl. She couldn't believe it. "A girl? Oh My God! Can I see her? Is she..."

"Steph..." he interrupted. She looked so damn happy. Pity he was about to ruin it. "She's...she's in the ICU unit..."

"ICU?"

"Yes babe. Because she was born so early, she hasn't...fully developed so...so they are keeping her there for observation."

She couldn't stop the tears from welling in her eyes. Their daughter was in intensive care. Her brain was finding it difficult to understand what her husband has just said. Intensive care. Early birth. Observation. He was talking about her like she was a damn object. She snapped her hands back out of his and frowned. "What do you mean? I don't understand...what..."

"Steph don't..." He tried to reach for her hands again and could only sigh in frustration when she pulled away.

"No! I want to see her. I want to see my daughter." She tried to get out of the bed when a sharp pain gripped her abdomen. "Ahhhhhh!"

Paul was instantly on his feet and at her side, ushering her back into a lying position and taking her hand in his whether she wanted him to or not. "You can't move about yet babe. Please just stay down. I'm going to call the doctor and he can explain more, ok? Just please stay where you are."

His eyes were pleading with her and despite her anger and confusion; she could see her feelings reflected there. He looked just as lost as she felt. Instead of pulling away, she squeezed his hand and nodded her head. "Ok." She watched as he left the room in search of the doctor before rubbing at her eyes. Her stomach was still throbbing after she had tried to move and she lifted the monotonous white sheets to look. They had dressed her in the standard hospital gown so she raised it up her legs until she could inspect herself. A soft gasp escaped from her throat when she saw the large bandages and dressing just below her navel. Her hand absently ran over the white material as gently as possible. She pressed down just a little and to her surprise, didn't feel any pain. Maybe it was only when she moved that it hurt. Then again, this was nothing compared to what her little daughter must be going through right now. With that thought came a fresh wave of emotions. Happiness. Fear. Worry. Love. It was strange. She hadn't even laid eyes on her yet and she loved her to death already. Her thoughts were broken by the sound of soft footfalls.

"Mrs. Levesque. I'm Dr. Jansen," a short older man with balding white hair said as he approached the bedside and shook her hand. Paul was right behind him and quickly took his place right next to her before grabbing her hand again.

"Hi," she managed meekly, not quite sure what to expect.

"Your husband tells me that you somewhat already know what's going on?"

Her eyes with locked with his for a brief moment and taking comfort from the look she saw there, she nodded her head and braced herself. "Yes. But can you just...go over it again. I'm finding it hard to..."

Dr. Jansen smiled apologetically. "That's no problem at all ma'am. It's never easy to understand why things like this happen. But first of all, how are you feeling?" He walked to the other side of the bed and looked over her. She looked coherent enough after waking from anaesthesia and she didn't look in any pain either.

"I feel fine as long as I don't move. But please, tell me what's going on with my daughter."

The older man's smile faltered. He had just been down in ICU checking in on the little thing. No change so far. In fact, things were slowly but surely starting to get worse. Other organs were starting to falter. Soon they would shut down. Things really weren't looking good. He took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to say this. "Well, the main concern is the lungs. Because she was born so early, they haven't fully developed and she is struggling to breathe on her own. The other vital organs are finding it tough too. We..." He stopped himself when he saw the tears beginning to fall.

Paul choked back his own tears and quickly moved to sit up on the bed beside her. His arms enveloped her and he pulled her close, wishing somehow that this was just a bad dream and that he would wake up. The sound of the doctor's awkward cough and the shuffling of his feet reminded him that this was real, painfully and agonizingly real. "Are you OK?" he whispered against her temple. Stupid question but he didn't know what else to say. He felt her nodding her head against his chest. He hated this, he absolutely hated it.

"If you want, I can come back and ..."

"No," Stephanie mumbled, quickly wiping her eyes. Better to just hear him out now rather than torture herself thinking about it for the next God knows how long. "It's OK, doctor. Just...go slowly and...

"Ok ma'am. We'll start with the..."

Paul mind began to drift as Dr. Jansen started talking about complication after complication. He couldn't listen to that again, couldn't listen to all the things that were reducing his daughter's chances of survival by the second. Instead he blocked it out and focused on his wife. If he couldn't do anything to help their little girl then he would direct all his efforts to Stephanie. She had half scared him to death when she tried to get up from the bed earlier. He swore his hair had turned grey because of it. But the doctor said she would make a full recovery, it was just stitches.

"Paul."

"Paul?" Stephanie looked up at her husband and frowned at the far off look on his face. Why wasn't he reacting to what they had just been told? She gently nudged him to get his attention.

"What? Sorry."

"Didn't you hear? We can go see her now. Dr Jansen was just paged."

His face erupted into its first genuine smile in hours. "Really?"

"Absolutely. If you want to wait right here I'll call for a wheelchair to take you down, Mrs Levesque." Dr Jansen anticipated the complaint and stuck out his hand. "Doctor's orders." He managed a small smile before heading out of the room to call for assistance.

"Have you seen her already?"

Paul drew his eyes from the door and turned to look at her. Despite the fact that she just woke up from surgery, despite the fact that they were both going through hell right now and despite the fact that he felt like kicking the shit out of somebody for what was happening, she still managed to absolutely take his breath away. He shook his head and wrapped his arm a little tighter around her. "No. They wouldn't let me before. I guess this means that she must be picking up."

"God Paul," she sighed heavily. "I can't believe this. I mean what if...what if..."

"Don't talk like that," he interrupted, turning to fully face her. He rested his forehead against hers. "We'll get through this. We'll _all_ make it through this, OK?"

Her eyes softly shut as she breathed him in, trying to draw strength from the place she always knew would be there. Somehow, it wasn't working as well as it usually did. "But Dr Jansen said..."

"Babe. We have to have faith." He kissed her temple and then softly, her lips. "Because if not, we're only going to drive ourselves crazy with worry over something we can't do anything about."

She pondered his words before coming to the realisation that he was right. They couldn't do anything about it. And as hard as it was to deal with this, it would only make things worse if she became hysterical or over thought things. Like he said, she needed to have a little faith that things would turn out OK. The alternative was just too hard to even contemplate. She quickly grabbed either side of his head and pulled him down for another kiss. "God I love you."

"I love you too."

Just then, the porter arrived with the wheelchair and they prepared themselves for one of the most wonderful, yet in this case most difficult, things they would ever have to do; see their newly born child only not in a crib or in the other's arms but on a life support machine.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** - Hey people, sorry for being so depressing but I told you this wasn't going to be an easy ride lol. Let me know what you think!

* * *

The silence was deafening. Paul wrung his hands together nervously. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say or what to think. His little girl was...

"Jesus," he sighed heavily, shutting his eyes and trying to stop the burning sensation he felt from the tears he wasn't willing to cry. He had never felt such pain in his life. Not when he injured his quad, not anytime he hurt himself in the ring, not even when he and Stephanie had split up for a few months at the behest of her father. No, nothing hurt as badly as this and he was struggling to cope. His eyes glanced at his wife. She lay in front of him on the bed, stoic as he had ever seen her. Her face was expressionless and she hadn't uttered a word to him in three days. What was there to say? He didn't know. All he wanted to do was comfort her and be comforted in return. But she had shrugged him off numerous times and it had stung and stung badly. As he sat there, his mind drifted to the events of the most horrible few days of his life...

* * *

Stephanie clutched her husband's hand like it was the only thing keeping her alive. It almost was. The second the doctor had walked into the room she knew it wasn't going to be good. She watched his awkward shuffle and how his eyes looked everywhere but at them. If he was trying to be subtle he wasn't succeeding at all. The back of her eyes began to burn with unshed tears.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."

And that was all it took. The tears came rushing down her face. Paul choked back the lump in his throat and again moved to take her into his arms. She gripped him tightly as he mentally tried to prepare himself for the worse.

"There's...there's no good way to say this so...I'm afraid she's...not going to make it." Dr Jansen paused and blinked hard at the sound of Stephanie's painful wail. They had tried their best but the little thing's organs just started to shut down as if on autopilot. She was still alive and would continue to stay alive so long as the machines were there to support her. But the second they were turned off, she would die without question. Her body just wasn't developed enough, nor was it able to cope with life outside the womb. It was a heartbreaking situation, only made worse by the fact that there was nothing anybody could do.

"What...what exactly happened?" Paul asked grimly. His heart was lodged in his throat. Stephanie was trembling beside him and he began to rub her arms. He still couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Organ failure. We thought that if we gave it some time and supported the lungs, that the rest would gradually get better but they have deteriorated instead. Right now, she's living off the machine but the second we take it out, well..."

Paul's eyes shut quickly as Dr Jansen trailed off. He didn't need to finish his sentence. Stephanie was quivering beside him. Her shakes and sobs came faster and harder. He looked at the doctor worriedly and motioned with his hand.

Dr Jansen nodded and hit the call button while coming to Stephanie's side. "Mrs Levesque? Stephanie? Ma'am? Please calm down. I know this isn't easy but..."

"How do you know? Have you ever...ever...had somebody...stand there and tell you that...that your child is going to die?" When the last word was uttered from her mouth she again began to sob helplessly.

"For God sakes _do_ something!" Paul cried to Dr Jansen. Stephanie was hysterical and he couldn't blame her. His brain was still finding it hard to comprehend. Their daughter wasn't going to make it. If it wasn't his wife freaking out right now then it would probably be him.

"I'm waiting for the nurse to...here she is!" He said in relief when the nurse finally ran through the door. "Grab an IV for me please. I think we need to sedate her."

The nurse quickly grabbed everything she needed and they flanked Stephanie at either side. Paul held her hand and still tried to calm her down. Suddenly, the struggling slowed and eventually came to a stop. He took one last look into her bleary eyes before she fell back down onto the bed almost dead to the world. His head hung low. "Thank you."

Dr Jansen looked at his slumped shoulders and defeated posture and sighed sympathetically. He couldn't even imagine. "I'll give you some time. We can bring you down to see her before..."

Paul raised his head slowly and managed the smallest of smiles. He nodded his head and watched as the doctor and nurse left the room. As soon as they left he quickly wiped at his watery eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He was a mess. And this was a nightmare. He glanced at his sleeping wife. She wasn't coping at all. His gut twisted, absolutely hating seeing her in so much pain. In a sick way, he was sort of thankful for it though because it meant that he could focus his attention on her and not have to deal with what was really going on. Jesus. They would never know their daughter. They wouldn't get to see her grow up. He wouldn't get to walk her down the aisle. She wouldn't give them grand children. With that thought he cringed. The McMahon's were still outside waiting. They hadn't left since he had been called in here God knows how many hours ago, days even. It felt like forever. With a heavy sigh he slowly got to his feet. He pressed a gentle kiss to Stephanie's lips before heading in search of his in-laws. He would have to call his parents too. God, what a mess. His footsteps echoed down the hall until he heard his name get called.

"PAUL!" Linda shouted frantically when she saw her son-in-law. "Paul! Oh God! Do you have any news? You have been in there for hours. Vince left to sort out things at the office but he's coming back. What... what...Paul?" Suddenly she noticed the expression on his face. He looked; she couldn't even find the words to describe it. "Paul, what's going on?"

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Let's sit down." He motioned to the hard plastic chairs in the corner. Linda dutifully scurried over and sat down, her face looking at him expectantly. He took another breath and felt his eyes begin to sting again. "Jesus," he muttered, running his hand over his face.

"You're really starting to scare me here, Paul. Is everything..."

"She's not going to make it," he unceremoniously blurted out. Screw decorum. His head was thumping and his heart was breaking. He didn't know how to break news like that in a nice way. Linda's shocked expression immediately made him feel guilty though. She didn't deserve that. "Her organs are failing and...the doctor says she won't recuperate." His voice began to break and he wiped at his eyes again. They were rubbed raw.

"Stephanie?"

Paul suddenly realised that she didn't even know they had a daughter. God, he was an idiot. "No, no. We have a baby girl." He bit his lip in attempt to stop himself from crying. "Stephanie is...well...she's sleeping right now. The doctor broke the news and...she didn't take it too well. Steph's going to be fine but the baby..."

"Oh My God, Paul. I'm so...I don't even...come here son," she pulled him into a tight hug and fought back her own tears. This was just terrible, terrible news. Her poor little granddaughter. Her heart physically ached and she pulled Paul tighter.

It was at this moment that Shane and Marissa walked around the corner. Shane immediately frowned. He had gone to get some coffee and called his wife which prompted her to come to the hospital for support. It had been hours since his first phone call. He set the coffee cups onto a nearby chair and sat down next to his mother.

"Mom? Paul? What's going on?"

"Oh Shane!" Linda gently released her son-in-law and turned to face her son. "Stephanie is fine but, their little girl..."

"You have a little girl?" Shane cut in, unable to comprehend why they would be so upset at that fact. His mind refused to consider any other possibility. "Why that's..."

"She isn't going to make it, Shane. Her organs are failing. She's..."

Shane felt his heart catch in his throat while at the same time his wife's hand slipped into his. "Jesus, Paul. What the hell? How? I don't..."

Paul rubbed his face again and sighed. "Me neither. I can't even..." He took another deep breath and tried to shake his head clear. He couldn't think about it or he would break down. And he couldn't break down. His wife was a mess. The last thing anybody needed was for both of them to fall apart. Switching gears, he tried to think of something else. Try as he might his mind always came back to one thing, his little daughter and how much he loved her.

"Have you seen her yet?"

"No. We were going to go but Steph..." he let out a heavy sigh. "She's not coping at all. They had to sedate her. I..." He held his head in his hands and just let it happen. He let the tears fall as he squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Jesus, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?"

Linda glanced at her son. They all had tears in their eyes. This was unbearable. She quickly shuffled closer to Paul and pulled him into another tight hug. They would get through this as a family. God knows it would be heartbreaking but they would do it. They had to because she feared what would happen if they didn't. Her daughter already had to be sedated and Paul had finally broken down. This was only the beginning.

* * *

"I made you some breakfast. It's not much but..." Paul sat on the bed beside her and held the small tray over her lap. When she pushed it away he sighed. "Steph, you have to eat. You haven't moved from the bed in three days. Come on."

His eyes stared hopefully at the side of her face. He was greeted with the familiar silence of the last few days. She didn't turn to face him nor make a motion to move. Instead she stared out their huge bedroom window for a few more seconds before turning on her side and cuddling into the blankets. He lost count of the number of times he tried to talk to her or take her into his arms and she had just pushed him away. She never let him go when they were at the hospital but the second they set foot back in their home she had completely shut herself off and it was killing him. Quickly realising that she didn't want him around, he shuffled off the bed and left the room defeated. She couldn't keep doing this. It wasn't healthy. And so help him he would shake her out of it even if she hated him for a few days. But right now he decided to let her rest. Maybe he should take his own advice. He hadn't slept in days. With a tired sigh he walked down the stairs and plopped onto the sofa, letting his eyes slowly close. For the first time in the past few days, he wasn't plagued with the horrible images that had begun to haunt his dreams. And so he fell into a restless slumber, unaware that at the moment he shut the bedroom door, his wife had broken down again and was now crying herself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

She sat on the hard wooden bench. It was a warm day. The sun was shining. Yet she felt cold, cold to the bone. Her eyes followed a pair of robins as they chased each other in the sky. How could everything just keep going on like nothing had happened, like she hadn't just buried her child? She couldn't understand it, refused to understand it. She felt broken. Ever since she left the hospital it had been a struggle to get out of bed. For the first few days she didn't even manage that. The overwhelming pain that had shrouded her body and heart for the past two weeks hit her once again, causing her to almost double over. Tears flooded down her cheeks and she wiped at them furiously. She didn't know what to do anymore. She felt alone. Nobody understood what she was going through.

"Hey."

His feet crunched the fallen leaves as he stood before her. Paul sighed heavily. Why was she doing this to herself? Burying their daughter had been the hardest thing he had ever done in his life and it was so God damn hard to deal with. But sitting on a bench overlooking the cemetery trying to cope alone while their families were waiting down by the car was not the way to go about it. He cautiously sat down beside her, not sure if she would get up and leave or move away from him. He felt like he had the plague. It seemed like she didn't want to be around him anymore. "Steph?" he called again. She didn't even acknowledge him. His chest ached. He shuffled closer on the bench and reached for her hand. "Babe..." His heart dropped when she snatched her hand back and moved away from him. "Jesus Steph! You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" She asked coldly, finally turning to look at him. She ignored the pained expression on his face. His hair blew gently in the breeze, some of it catching on his black suit collar.

"Doing this. Shutting yourself off, not letting anybody in. I know it's tough but..."

"Tough? You call losing my daughter tough?"

He breathed heavily, not allowing himself to get angry at her. "She's my daughter too or have you forgotten about that?"

Stephanie glared at him, her body fully turning in his direction. "If anyone has forgotten it's you. _You_ are the one that's able to function. _You_ are the one playing the grieving father. _You_ are the one..."

"At least I am grieving, Steph. And it hurts like fucking hell but at least I'm doing it."

She stared at him in confusion. "And I'm not? What do you think..."

"No you're not. You're shutting down. You won't talk to anybody. Your mom, your dad, me. You won't let us in and it's not healthy. For God sakes, Steph..." He took her hand and intertwined their fingers tightly, his eyes pleading with her.

"I just...I just...I can't..." Tears stung the back of her eyes before spilling down her face. She began to sob, heart wrenching sobs that cut through Paul like a knife. He instantly pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her protectively and burying his face into her hair. Her body was shaking as she cried. It felt so good to have him hold her and she pressed herself tighter against his chest for a few moments before the guilt set in. She shouldn't be feeling good. She had just buried her child for God sakes. She should feel miserable. Her tears gradually subsided as she pushed him away.

Paul looked down at her, his eyes a mixture of concern and confusion. "What's wrong?" When she pulled away from him completely and practically turned her back to him he knew what was wrong. She was shutting him out again and he just couldn't understand why. He needed her. Jesus, he needed her so badly, needed to feel her in his arms and remind him of all the good in this world. Instead she only added to his pain. He rubbed his hand over his watery eyes and stood. "The car is waiting for us."

She didn't even bother to look at him as she replied. "I'll be there in a minute."

He shook his head, almost in disgust before walking away and leaving her there. He spotted Linda and Vince along with his parents lingering around the limo. He kept his head down and tried his best to block them out as he stormed by.

"Is she coming?" Linda asked.

"In a minute," he muttered before promptly opening the door and slamming it shut as he got inside.

Both sets of parents exchanged worried glances. They had all seen what happened by the bench. They had all seen him go to her, try to comfort her only to be rejected. Linda sighed and wiped at her eyes. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Paul looked out the huge kitchen window and into their back yard as he finished washing up the pan he had just used to cook breakfast. He turned to the table and sighed. It was set for two. Maybe this time she would actually join him. He was just about to go call for her when the door swung open and almost hit him right in the face.

"Wow! You almost knocked me out," he said, a small smile on his face. It quickly disappeared when he saw what was becoming to be her familiar hollow expression.

"Sorry," she muttered as she walked around him and to the fridge. She pulled out a bottle of water and took a long pull.

"I made us a late breakfast. I thought we could eat together before going to your parents later," Paul said hopefully. He moved to the table and pulled out a chair for her, his eyes pleading with her to sit down. He almost breathed a sigh of relief when she did.

Stephanie fiddled with her cutlery as she took in the food on her plate. Eggs, toast, bacon, a side bowl of fresh fruit and a steaming cup of black coffee. Her husband really did know her inside out. Managing a small smile, she began to pile some eggs onto her fork.

"So, do you have any idea what your dad wants to talk to us about?" He was so damn thankful she was eating. This was probably the first thing she had eaten in a while. He had to get her out of this rut, he just had to.

"No."

He took a deep breath and bit his lip in attempt to hide his growing anger. He felt like a stranger in his own damn home and all because she was shutting down. She never spoke to him. Just like now he was pretty much having a conversation with himself and he hated it. They should be clinging to each other and trying to get over this together. Instead she had pushed him to the side and he was left trying to cope on his own. And coping he was not. Every time he fell asleep all he could dream about was the image of the tiny white coffin as it was lowered into the ground. And when he woke up all he could feel was the overwhelming pain that engulfed his heart, a pain only made worse by his wife's distance. It had been over three weeks now, three long, hard weeks but he was still here. It hurt like hell but he was still here. He only wished that his wife could fight through like he was. Taking another calming breath, he tried to pick up a conversation again. "Well, maybe he just wants to see you, make sure you're OK."

For the first time since she sat down she actually looked at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Huh?" Paul looked at her in confusion.

"Make sure I'm OK? What am I, huh? Some fragile piece of glass that everybody is walking on eggshells around?" she raged, her voice getting higher and angrier as she spoke.

Her outburst took him completely by surprise. It was the most she had spoken to him in days. Yeah, maybe it wasn't panning out the way he wanted it to but at least she was talking. "Nobody is walking on eggshells, Steph. You..."

"Yes! Yes you are, I can feel it every time somebody looks at me, every time _you_ look at me and I can't stand it anymore!"

He wanted her to talk but he didn't want to fight. Bowing his head in surrender, he held up his hand indicating for her to stop. "I'm not going to do this."

"Do what?"

"_This_, Steph! I'm not going to fight with you over something so stupid..."

"So you think it's stupid that I feel this way?"

Paul ran a hand over his weary face and closed his eyes, desperately trying to keep his anger in check. She was lashing out but the last thing they needed was another fight. He kept his head low as she continued to rant.

"Is that what you're saying, Paul? That my feelings are stupid? That I don't..."

"For fuck sakes, Steph!" he yelled immediately cutting her off. "Just stop, alright. I'm not having this fight with you right now, not when you're acting like this." He slowly got to his feet, his expression sombre as he looked her in the eye and tried to read what she was really thinking. Because this wasn't his wife, this wasn't Stephanie.

Stephanie could feel a deep pain in her chest. He looked...defeated and it broke her heart because she knew it was her fault. All she wanted was to fall into his arms but that would be too easy. They had just lost their daughter; nothing should be easy, not when she felt like curling up into a ball and crying until she could cry no more. He held her gaze for what felt like forever until he finally just shook his head and walked away. The sound of the door swinging on its hinges was all she could hear as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly in an attempt to stop the tears threatening to fall. God she was a mess. And what absolutely terrified her was the fact that she didn't see a way out of this hole she had fallen into. And no matter how many times Paul had reached out to help her, he was always just that little bit too far away. Giving up on her battle to stop the tears she eventually let them fall. Almost as if nothing had happened, she reached for her knife and fork and started to pile eggs onto them. She felt numb again. At least this way, she didn't have to hurt so much.

* * *

Paul sighed impatiently as he waited for somebody on the other end of the line to pick up. He was just about to give up when his mother's breathless voice filled his ears.

"Mom, it's me."

"Oh Paul! How are you, son? I was just thinking about you," Patricia said as she walked back to her living room and sat down on the comfortable sofa.

"Oh, I'm fine," he lied, trying his best to sound upbeat. "I just wanted to call and see how everything is with you and dad."

At that admission, Patricia's red flags went up immediately. She knew her son inside out and while they were a super close knit family, it was usually her or Paul Sr. calling him because he was so damn busy that he forgot to call them half the time. And now here he was, calling her out of the blue when he had just lost his child and asking if she was OK. "We are good. Your dad is just out at the store right now and I'm, well I was wasting my time watching daytime TV," she chuckled. "Enough about us though, how are you feeling, Paul? How is Stephanie?"

"I'm fine, mom, really."

"You just lost your daughter, Paul. If you're fine then I'd start to get a little worried."

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "It's just...some days are hard you know. But, it's slowly getting easier I guess."

"And Stephanie?"

He tried to mask a groan and failed miserably. God damn his mother was like a pit-bull sometimes. Maybe he shouldn't have called her. All this was going to do was alert her that something was wrong and he didn't want anybody poking their nose in. He didn't need it and neither did Stephanie. "Steph's...well, she's getting there."

Patricia's face fell before her expression turned to one of confusion. She's getting there? What the hell type of answer was that? "She's getting there?"

"Yeah."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know! What do you want me to say?" he snapped. There was a delayed silence and he sighed. He hadn't meant to snap at her. Jesus this was accomplishing nothing. He should just hang up now and be done with it. "I'm sorry mom, I just..."

"You don't have to be sorry, Paul. I can't even imagine what you are going through. But you and Stephanie, you guys need to help each other through this together. I know you, son. You need your wife and I know that she needs you. If something is going on..."

"There's nothing going on," he stated firmly. "Listen, I have to go, we are heading to Vince and Linda's but I'll call you soon."

Patricia could only shake her head as she said her goodbye's and hung up the phone. The second she saw them up by the bench at the funeral she knew that things weren't good. This was only confirmation. She didn't know all the details but it didn't sound like Stephanie was coping at all the poor girl. But these things took time and she had to have faith that time would heal her daughter in law's wounds, as well as her son's. With a heavy sigh she set the phone back in its stand and tried to focus on getting back to her day.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** - First of all, a special thanks to Jess for kicking my ass and getting me to write this new chapter lol. And secondly, I hope you like it!

* * *

In the end she didn't come. But he went without her anyways. First of all, he had promised Linda and Vince that they would come and check in with them today but more importantly, he didn't want to spend one more second in that house. It was starting to feel like a damn prison. He understood how she was feeling, hell, he was probably feeling the exact same thing. But he wasn't about to let his grief consume him like she was. It was hard but he was going to move past this. He only wished that she shared his determination. He let out a heavy sigh as the Hummer crunched over the gravel courtyard of the McMahon Estate. They would no doubt be wondering why Stephanie didn't come. He felt the anger start to burn in his gut again. He was sick of covering for her and in that split second he decided that he wasn't going to anymore. His wife needed help and if she wasn't going to listen to him then maybe she would listen to her parents. He tried not to slam the door shut as he got out of the car and walked to the front door. He didn't even need to knock as Linda already had the door open and was pulling him into a tight hug.

"Oh, Paul! It's so good to see you," she said as she began looking over his shoulder for her daughter only she was nowhere to be found. "Where is Stephanie?"

Paul shrugged his shoulders and walked on inside the foyer of the house. "She isn't coming."

Linda's face dropped and she let out a concerned sigh. "Paul, is everything OK?"

"No," he answered simply shaking his head. "No, it isn't."

"What's wrong, son?"

The pair turned to find Vince standing behind them with a somber expression on his face. He had heard the entire exchange and if he was being honest, he wasn't that surprised that Stephanie didn't come. She was absolutely devastated and rightfully so. His daughter had changed over the past month. He looked at his son-in-law and couldn't stop the heavy sigh that fell from his lips. Paul looked like a mess. He had lost weight that was for sure, it was evident in his now hollow cheeks. His eyes were bloodshot and there were heavy bags beneath them. To say he wasn't sleeping was an understatement. He quickly crossed the room and wrapped an arm around the younger man's shoulder. "Come on. We're going to talk."

Paul gratefully followed Vince into one of the spacious living rooms of the house and took a seat on the plush sofa. He was thankful that Vince seemed to be determined to talk about things. Even after his decision in the car he was still a little bit apprehensive about actually ratting Stephanie out so to speak. Despite the fact that she had all but ignored him for around a month now she was still his wife and he still loved her with everything in him. Maybe she just needed more time.

"So, what's going on with, Steph? I know she isn't dealing with this otherwise she would be here right now," Vince asked as he took a seat on the chair adjacent to the sofa where Paul and his wife were now sitting.

Paul slowly glanced up and shook his head. "I don't know. She's not sleeping, she's not eating. She never speaks and when she does all she wants to do is fight with me. I can't…..I can't stand her being like this. Anytime I try to go near her she shrugs me off like I'm diseased. I feel like a God damn stranger in my own fucking home," he sighed heavily, happy to finally get it off his chest. He hadn't even realized that he had dropped an F bomb in front of his mother-in-law. He respected the hell out of Linda and was usually the most polite man he could be when in front of her. But he couldn't have held that in if he tried. His frustration at the whole thing had well and truly bubbled to the surface.

"Oh God," Linda whispered, her hand covering her mouth in shock. She knew it was tough but she had no idea that her daughter was taking it so badly. But she was in no position to judge. She had never lost a child before. She couldn't even imagine what she was going through. "Have you tried telling her this?"

"I've tried everything!" he cried in exasperation. "I've tried to comfort her, I've tried to be there for her, to talk to her, to feed her, to sit with her in the damn room so she isn't alone and I get nothing back. She doesn't speak to me and it's driving me crazy." He ran a hand roughly over his face and gripped his chin hard before releasing it. He looked her in the eye before looking at Vince. "I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like if I keep trying it's only going to get worse."

"Maybe she just needs more time to grieve?" Linda suggested but was immediately cut off by Vince.

"No," he interjected. "She isn't grieving, Linda. Sounds to me like she's shutting down and that isn't healthy." He could see the desperation in his son-in-laws eyes. He looked completely lost.

Paul nodded his head in agreement. "That's exactly what she's doing and it's killing me to know that she won't let me in." He glanced at the floor for a moment before lifting his gaze. "That's why I came here today. If she won't talk to me then maybe….maybe she'll talk to you."

Linda swallowed hard and fought back the flood of tears that wanted to fall. This was breaking her heart. To be honest, she was still in a state of shock herself and couldn't even imagine how her daughter was feeling right now. It must be ripper her apart. "What do you propose we do?"

"I don't know," Paul said dumbfounded. He really had no idea what could be done to get through to her. "Maybe we could try and get her to go get some help?"

"I don't think that's going to work. I know my daughter, she isn't going to want to speak to a stranger about something like this," Vince mused out loud. That wouldn't work. Everybody was stumped. He let out a heavy sigh. "We might just have to go over there and confront her. It seems like the only choice."

The three of them looked between each other and sighed, all resigned to the fact that this was probably their only option.

* * *

Stephanie sucked in a painful breath as she walked past what should have been her daughter's nursery. She had yet to go inside. She was already a mess. Going in there would only make things worse. The sound of her footsteps as they padded down the stairs and into the living room were the only sound in the otherwise silent house. Paul had gone to see her parents almost an hour ago. Tears stung the back of her eyes as she thought about her husband. Lately she couldn't stand the sight of him and she had no idea why. All he wanted to do was be there for her, she knew that. But a part of her actually blamed him for her grief. She remembered being in the hospital, being wrapped in his arms as he told her to have faith that everything was going to be OK. His eyes had been sincere and loving as he whispered it to her over and over throughout the course of the day. She had believed him. She had believed him when he told her that it would all work out and that they would have their baby daughter home with them soon. But that didn't happen. Instead she was sitting here feeling physically ripped to pieces while her little baby girl was six feet under. Her hands began to shake as she fought off the tears. She didn't want to cry anymore. She just didn't have the energy. The rational part of her brain told her that she was being crazy to blame him for what had happened when it was completely out of his control but she couldn't help it. She needed to blame somebody. And instead of turning to him for comfort she lashed out in anger. It was almost an automatic reaction to him now. Any time she saw him she felt this ball of anger in her gut. In the back of her head she knew it was pulling them apart. For the first three weeks he had been nothing but attentive, ignoring her outbursts and being there for her no matter what. This week had been different. He barely even tried anymore and how could she blame him?

The sound of the front door clicking filled the room and she jumped slightly on the sofa. She heard his voice and surprisingly, the voice of her parents as they walked further down the hall and towards the living room. All too soon they were entering the room and she found herself enveloped in a tight hug from her mother.

"Oh Stephanie! It's so good to see you, honey. How are you?" Linda asked in a rush as she hugged her daughter tightly.

"I…..I'm fine, mom," Stephanie managed to get out. She glanced between her parents and looked at them in confusion. "But what are you doing here?"

Paul inwardly cringed. She looked pissed. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "Your parents thought it would be nice if they came to see you seeing as you didn't want to go see them." He cringed again as he let that last part slip out. He hadn't meant to say that and from the look on her face he could tell that she didn't appreciate it either.

Vince watched as they pretty much stared each other down before stepping in and pulling his daughter into a hug. "Hey….ahhhh….Steph! It's great to see you sweetheart. Why don't we go get some coffee and have a chat?"

"I don't want to chat, dad," she said sternly as she got to her feet. "Did any of you think that the reason I didn't go was because I didn't want to talk?" Her arms crossed her chest in a huff as she all but glared at her husband. "Obviously not otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"Steph…"Paul gulped but it was to no use.

"Save it, Paul. I'm sorry guys but I'm really not in the mood for talking right now. I'm sure my _husband_," she said with gritted teeth, "Will see you out." She threw her hair over her shoulder and effectively stalked out of the room.

They all stood in silence and listened to her footsteps thumping up the stairs. Paul sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm sorry," he all but whispered in defeat.

"It's OK, son," Vince said with a pat on the back. "We should have known this would happen."

"I….I…I'm shocked," Linda gasped. She couldn't believe what she had just seen. Even in the worst of times she had never seen her daughter react so poorly before, not to mention the way she was looking at her own damn husband. She almost looked disgusted with him.

"I'm not. She's been like this for about three weeks now. Before that she didn't speak. Now she speaks, if you can even call it that," Paul groaned. He felt a sudden pain in his chest and gripped at his sweater at the area covering his heart. For a moment he experienced an intense pressure and found it hard to breathe for a second before it quickly disappeared and he was left breathless.

Linda watched as her son-in-law's face screwed up and he grasped at his chest. He looked in considerable pain before his expression relaxed and he opened his eyes again. "Paul, are you OK?"

He took a few deep breaths and looked her in the eye. "I'm alright. Listen, there's really no point in you guys staying here. Why don't you let me drive you home? We can try this another time."

Three dejected faces turned and headed for the door while the reason for their current disposition sat silently fuming in her bedroom. She heard the front door click shut and let out a fierce sigh. She was going to have a word with her husband when he got home and it wasn't going to be pretty.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** - Yeah, so...sorry for taking a while to get this up. But once again Jess the ass kicker is doing her work and getting me to post lol so you can thank her! I really want to get the ball rolling with this so hopefully we'll both keep it up!

* * *

Paul flinched as the door slid shut behind him. With just two steps inside the door of his own home he could already feel the tension radiating out of every nook and cranny in the house. He rubbed a hand over his weary face and dropped the keys on the counter. Hopefully she had calmed down by now. His feet trudged up the stairs. He came to a stop on the landing and gave one wistful glance back down, away from the fight he knew was about to come before sighing heavily and walking towards his bedroom. He pushed the already ajar door open a little further to find his wife sitting on the edge of the bed. God knows how long she'd been sitting there for, probably since he left. He walked further into the room and finally caught her attention, her head snapping up to look at him. A chill ran down his spine at the look on her face. In all the years they had been together she had never looked at him the way she was right now, like he was a piece of shit stuck on the bottom of her shoe.

"Well, nice of you to finally join me," Stephanie barked with a frown. Instead of calming down while he was gone, all she had done was simmer and simmer in anger. The second she saw him walking through the door all that anger had instantly bubbled to the surface.

As soon of the words were out of her mouth Paul couldn't help but scoff. She clearly had no intentions of talking about this. She was reared and ready for a fight. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves before muttering, "Can you blame me?"

"What was that?"

"I said can you blame me?"

She shot to her feet in outrage. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that can you blame me for not wanting to come near you when you're acting like this, Stephanie, that's what it means," he tried reasoning with her.

"I'm sorry, Paul, does this bother you? I guess if you hadn't gone and tried to blind side me like you did….what the fuck was that huh? Bringing my parents over here? Did you think you were all just going to sit me down and make me talk?"

Paul felt his head beginning to throb. He held out his hand in an attempt to stop her from getting more angry than she already way. "That's not what it was."

"Don't lie to me, Paul. I'm not fucking stupid."

"Nobody said you were stupid."

She ignored the roll of his eyes and let out a deep puff of air. Her body was almost shaking in anger and if she was being honest, the fact that he had brought her parents here wasn't the main reason why. It had only served to tip her over the edge but lately she couldn't bear to look at him without getting this immense feeling of anger, almost bordering on irrational hatred that welled up within her. She didn't know what the hell it was and lately she didn't have the energy to care. Maybe if the red mist hadn't descended upon her and completely screwed up her thought process she would be able to see the damage that was being done to her marriage but that was the least of concerns to her right now. She walked towards him and stared him right in the eye, ignoring the desperate look there and pointing her finger in his face. "You brought them here. You don't think it's bad enough for me already? No, you want to bring over my mom and dad so you can all sit and tell me everything's going to be OK when it isn't Paul!'

The throbbing in his head started to spread throughout his body. What the fuck was her problem? "WHO'S FAULT IS THAT, STEPHANIE?" He practically exploded.

Stephanie glared at him and took a step back, almost in shock at his outburst. Usually he just stood there and took whatever she flung at him because he didn't want to argue with her. Maybe she had finally tipped him over the edge.

"I'm not the one refusing to talk. I'm not the one retreating into a little shell of themselves and I'm not the one acting like an irrational bitch." He almost choked as the last words tumbled out of his mouth in a fury. He hadn't meant to say that. Or maybe he had? Maybe he had because she needed to hear it. He knew what she was going through and it cut like a knife in his heart but for fuck sake, he wasn't doing what she was doing. He was trying to grieve and move on and he felt like he was. But every time he thought he made some progress she was always there to bring him right back where he started. While he was standing there thinking he missed the widening of her eyes and the rearing back of her hand. But he sure as hell felt it as she slapped him hard across the face. His jaw was stinging as his head whipped back and he glared at her. This was going nowhere and quite frankly he was sick of arguing with her. They stared each other out for a few very heated moments before he went to turn and walk away but he just couldn't do it. He turned back and fought back the urge to reach out and take her into his arms when he saw the tears in her eyes. "I may have deserved that but it's a hit I'm more than willing to take if it makes you wake up and see what's happening here." His eyes dropped to the floor before he looked back at her, his eyes gently taking her in. "Whatever this thing is with you, Steph, it's tearing us apart. It's getting to the point now where I actually dread seeing you I mean…..Jesus Christ," he sighed, once again rubbing at his face. "Can't you see that?"

His cheek was red and his soft hazel eyes looked as sad as she had ever seen them. She knew he was right. She knew they were drifting apart but so help her she just didn't have it in her to care right now. All she could think about was the baby they had lost and the irrational belief that he was to blame. Her mouth opened but no words came out. Eventually she broke their gaze and walked away from him.

Paul let out a defeated sigh and squeezed his eyes shut tight. His hand absently rubbed at the right side of his chest for a few moments while his eyes slowly opened. He didn't know what to do anymore. She just walked away. In his mind he prayed desperately and hoped that it wasn't a sign that she was walking away from him or their marriage.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N** - This one is for Jess again since she's always asking for it lol. As always your thoughts are appreciated.

* * *

The corridors of the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas were shunned into silence at the sight of the slightly haggard looking man currently walking through them. Paul ignored the sideways glances and hushed whispers. Clearly nobody in the WWE knew how to be subtle. They were all looking at him like he had five heads. No doubt most of them were relishing in his current marital problems. It was no secret that the '_golden couple_' had lost their child. Neither of them had been on the road for over almost two months after it happened. Until now. He kept his eyes focused in front of him, not showing any signs of weakness. He didn't want anybody to see how utterly broken he was inside. He had lost his child and with every day that passed he just knew that he was losing his wife too and it ripped him apart. He shook his head absently and continued down the hall, finally coming to a stop at the gorilla position. Everybody kept about their business until he was spotted by one of the runners. Suddenly practically all of them turned at the same time and looked at him with that same fucking expression on their face; pity. He fucking hated it.

"Paul! What a nice surprise. What are you doing here, son?" Vince McMahon asked, genuinely surprised to see his son-in-law standing before him. The hushed atmosphere that had engulfed the small group of people surrounding him didn't go unnoticed and he quickly walked towards the younger man, pulling him into a brief hug.

"I just…..thought I'd see if you needed me for the show or something," Paul replied, immediately feeling stupid. As if he was going to fly all the way to fucking Texas to see if they needed help. From the look on his father-in-law's face he could tell that he wasn't buying it.

Vince handed the stack of papers in his hand over to Pat Patterson. "I'll be back in a few. Make sure Jericho knows what he's got to do later, alright?" He muttered before walking over to Paul and leading him away from prying eyes. "Come on." They walked to a nearby empty locker room and Vince shut the door. "So, you want to tell me what this is really about?"

Paul let out a shaky breath and looked the other man dead in the eye. He could hardly tell him that his daughter was being a selfish, uncaring bitch could he? Even though it's exactly how he felt. "I needed to get out of the house. It's driving me crazy, Vince. I can't be there anymore, not when she's being like this."

"Damn," Vince muttered, letting out a sigh of his own. He thought that maybe things would have slowly started to get better between them. "I take it Stephanie hasn't eased up at all?" The sarcastic snort he received in response told him all he needed to know.

"She still isn't talking to me. She practically lives in our room and only comes out to eat or drink. Every time I see her it's like she's wasting away. I feel like she has just given up," Paul replied honestly. He scratched as his bearded neck for a moment. "After you guys left the other day she slapped me you know. Ever since I don't even think she's looked at me once."

Vince couldn't believe what he was hearing. Before all this had happened Paul and Stephanie had pretty much been the perfect couple. He knew in his heart that he had made the right decision by letting them date. Paul was a good man and treated his daughter like a queen. That's why it was breaking his heart to see them slowly coming apart in front of his very eyes. He knew it had to be killing Paul too. And his daughter even if she wasn't showing it. If she would just open up and talk about things then maybe this wouldn't be happening right now. "You just have to give it time, Paul. She'll….."

"Time?" Paul suddenly snapped. "I've given her time. I've given her space, I've given her my love and support, I've given her everything and it's never enough. I just don't fucking understand how she can shut me out like this," he said in clear anger.

"I know that but….people deal with grief in their own ways, Paul. This is hers," Vince tried to reason but his son-in-law was having none of it.

Paul shook his head. "No. This isn't dealing with grief, Vince. I don't know what the fuck it is but it isn't dealing with it." He paused and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. This isn't what he came here for. He came to get away from the shit had to deal with at home, not talk about it some more. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Is there anything I can do tonight? Please? I just want something to take my mind off things. If I think about this mess any longer I'm going to crazy."

"I completely understand," Vince said, his eyes sympathetic. He threw his arm around Paul's shoulders and led him out of the room. "I'm sure we can find something for you to do," he teased and actually drew a small chuckle.

"Anything, Vince. I don't even care if you have me get the coffee."

"That can be arranged you know!"

* * *

Paul couldn't help but smile as he worked with the ring crew to take apart the ring and RAW stage. It had been a while since he had done this. But it kept his head focused and gave him the chance to speak to a few of the guys along the way. The ring crew were most times forgotten when it came to the business but without them there would be no ring for people like him to wrestle in.

"You still out here causing trouble?"

With a smile, he turned around and came face to face with his best friend, Shawn Michaels. They had caught up throughout the show and were planning on heading for a drink in the hotel bar now that it was over. Well, Shawn was. Paul would settle for an ice water although if there was ever a time for a drink, this would be it. "Who says I'm causing trouble, huh? I'm actually being extremely helpful."

"That's what you think," Shawn muttered with a smirk. "Come on. I'm sure these guys can handle the rest without ya."

"See you guys!" Paul called over his shoulder as they headed up the partially deconstructed ramp and to the back. They stopped off to grab Shawn's bags and in under an hour were walking into the hotel bar. Spotting a group of WWE guys huddled around a long table, they made their way towards them and pulled over some chairs.

"Mind if we squeeze in?" Shawn asked with a smile on his face. The table was surrounded by William Regal, Paul Wight, Arn Anderson, John Cena, Mike Rotunda, Jay Reso and Mike Chioda. The guys smiled and offered their greetings as Paul and Shawn sat down.

"Well would you look at this? DX is alive and well once again!" Cena teased. He had seen the pity party thrown Paul's way all day and felt the need to lighten the mood. Everybody knew what was going on in his personal life. It didn't mean that they had the right to pry and treat him like a damn leper though.

Paul managed a small smile. "You know I've only got one response to that, right?"

"And it's only two words long, mind you," Shawn piped in, pulling a chuckle from everybody as he held up two fingers.

"Yeah, yeah!" Cena drawled before motioning to the bar. "What are you having, Shawn? I take it you just want a water, right Hunter?"

"Water's good, man. Thanks," Paul smiled, relaxing into his chair. This is exactly what he needed, a chance to just chill out with friends and not have to worry about getting interrogated over his current situation.

Around two hours later and the bar was a lot more full. Their table had expanded by a few people here and there while the table opposite them was also full of WWE personnel albeit the other table was a lot more rowdy. The rest of the bar was made up of hotel residents and fans who had obviously found out where they were staying tonight. Paul sipped at his water and nodded politely at the blonde woman who had practically not taken her eyes off him from the second she walked in the bar. He shook his head and let out an amused snort. She was actually rather pretty. Back in his ring rat days they would have been in his room and he'd have fucked her five ways to Sunday already. Now the thought didn't even cross his mind. Although he had monumental sized marriage problems, he would never cheat on Stephanie. Not in a million years nor if somebody had a gun to his head. He just wouldn't do it. He loved her too much to hurt her like that. "Shit," her muttered under his breath. There he was thinking about her again. It amazed him how she was able to creep into his every thought no matter what it was. His eyes dropped to his glass and focused on a large piece of ice as it swirled around. She should be here with him now. Actually, they should be back in their room getting up to no good instead of being miles apart both physically and emotionally. Great, he'd gone and done it now. He couldn't stay here. Not when he legitimately felt like he could cry. He was just about to call it a night when he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder. He turned to see blondie standing there with a female friend. Up close he could see that she was slightly older than he originally thought. "Can I help you?"

"You're Triple H, right?" the woman asked, her eyes practically undressing him.

Paul managed a small smile and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm Triple H." He felt the back of his neck grow hot with the eyes of everybody at the table on him right now. No doubt they were all loving this.

"I'm Carrie," the woman said, sticking out her hand. "And this is my friend Lorna." She delighted when he shook her hand and made sure to keep hold of him a little longer than necessary.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Carrie and Lorna," Paul said politely. He moved to turn back to the table when he felt her hand on his shoulder again.

Carrie gave her best seductive pout and trailed her finger along his arm. "I was thinking that maybe you and I could head back to my room, somewhere a little more private?"

Paul could hear the snickers and mumbles from the guys behind him. God damn this woman was brazen. She was literally throwing herself at him in front of a table full of people. Shrugging her hand off his arm, he shook his head and smiled apologetically. "I'm flattered, really but ahhhhh, I'm a married man." He held up his left hand and wiggled it about, the shiny band on his ring finger sparkling in the dim light. He saw her face drop as she consulted her friend about…..something before turning to look at him again.

"My boyfriend told me that you were getting a divorce! He said that you were getting a _divorce!_" she cried angrily, clearly not happy that she was getting rejected.

"Your boyfriend?" Paul asked incredulously. Had she no shame? "Listen lady, I don't know what you've heard but you aren't getting anything from me tonight so move along."

The chuckles from the other wrestlers at the table and the sheer embarrassment of the situation forced her to turn in a huff and stalk back to her table. Just what the fuck had Bryan been up to telling her that? Maybe he wanted her to make a fool out of herself. She only wished that the fucker was there so he could have seen her up there talking to Triple H. He had practically dumped her about a half hour ago and she wanted revenge. What better way than to tell him that she fucked a top wrestler last night and not just any one, one that he hated? Bryan was a huge wrestling fan and spent half his day on the internet reading about God knows what. She didn't know why but she just knew that he hated Triple H with a passion. She was about to order a new drink when she saw him stumble back into the bar with his two idiot friends. He instantly made for their table and she felt her anger bubble to the surface.

"Fucking hell man! Has she no shame?" John Cena asked, breaking the partial stunned silence at the table.

William Regal shook his head in disgust. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Me too," Paul half-chuckled, trying to laugh it off. "I was just about to call it a night before she came. I think I'm definitely calling it a night now."

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Paul turned in his seat along with practically every WWE person in the bar to see an irate man flanked by two other guys glaring at him. His face screwed up in confusion as he looked at the guy. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me you dick! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Trying to hit on my girl?" the man asked again all the while trying to shove Carrie off him.

"Stop it Bryan! Stop it!" she cried helplessly.

Quickly connecting the dots, Paul realized exactly what was happening and let out a small laugh of disbelief as he turned fully in his seat.

"You fucking think this is funny! I knew you'd be a fucking piece of shit, just like every other fan that's ever met you has said. I just didn't know you went around hitting on other men's women," Bryan fumed, getting angrier by the second.

"Listen asshole," Paul said seriously, ignoring the calls of Shawn to calm down. "You better walk yourself away from this table before I knock you on your ass."

Two huge men with Hotel Security marked on their shirts started making their way to what had now turned into a full blown confrontation. But they were too late to prevent what happened next.

"Just because you can't keep Stephanie happy and she wants to divorce your sorry ass doesn't mean you….."

Paul instantly leapt to his feet and was about to smack the guy right in the face when he was quickly pulled back by a barrage of arms from the guys at the table behind him. He tried to shrug them off and pushed forward as best he could. "Don't you dare fucking talk about my wife, you understand me?"

Bryan pulled back, almost in shock at the speed at which the other man leapt to his feet and the sheer venom in his words. He had pissed him off. A small smirk appeared on his face and he leaned forward, almost taunting the other man. "I'll say whatever I want."

"Shut your fucking mouth kid and shut it now," Shawn said, his eyes burning a hole right through Bryan. "This is no place for your bullshit."

"We have a problem here?" asked one of the chunky bouncers, looking at the scene in front of him.

"Yeah we have a problem," Bryan said confidently. There was no way anybody could touch him with the bouncers here. "This guy tried to hit on my girlfriend. He thinks that just because he's a wrestler he can do what he wants. It's not my fault everybody thinks he's a dick, including his bitch wife."

Those were the last words Bryan managed to get out for as soon as he said them, Paul's fist connected hard with his jaw sending him crashing back into his friends, all three falling onto the table behind them and to the floor. There was a brief moment where everybody stood looking at each other. Bryan moaned in pain on the floor holding the side of his face while Carrie hunched over him, repeatedly looking back and saying that she was sorry to the entire WWE table.

"Let go!" Paul yelled, shrugging the various hands off him and glaring at the man on the floor. He looked to the bouncers, simply waiting for them to step in and start hauling him away but they did nothing. After a moment or two, he glanced over his shoulder at the stunned and shocked faces of his friends and colleagues before turning and angrily marching out of the bar. What the fuck had just happened?


End file.
